Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
