I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
