The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
