I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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