NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
