I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
