idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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