I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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