That's intense
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I bet he comes in French.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
