I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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