She's JV to your varsity
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
