I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
