She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
