I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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