All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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