I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
