I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
