I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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