he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
