There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
