I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
