Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
