If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
