He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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