i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
