plz talk dirty to me
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
