Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
