heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
