if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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