is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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