somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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