I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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