i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize