If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
