I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
