he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
