SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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