Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize