my phone needs a breathalizer
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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