Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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