so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
