508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
