What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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