I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
