Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
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I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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