I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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