After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
