You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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