Michael Bay diarrhea
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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