I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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