yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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