If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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