Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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