I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
