I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
