I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
