we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
