Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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