when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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