This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
