I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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