She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
