I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
