remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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