ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
