playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
