I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
