Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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