i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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