Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize