Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
As shirtless as possible
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
