Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
