I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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