Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
