I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
