i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
