butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
