Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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