I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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