One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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