is your mom at the bar?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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