i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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