You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
