I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
