Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.