Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same