I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door