If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it