You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My glasses were in the garbage this morning