I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?