Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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