is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
