the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need to calm my uterus...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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